Road closed by lager?

Yesterday a road was closed near Newport in South Wales due to a lorry spilling its contents. Transporting vital supplies of lager to the South Wales valleys, the spill was sufficient in volume to necessitate closure of the road for 30 minutes. This is a story and a half. Picture if you will the fire crew who were charged with unenviable job of hosing it all away. We can but guess at the trauma they experienced. Grown men were probably fighting back the tears as the love of their life was ushered down the drain. As the yellow fluid soaked gradually in to the surrounding land, wild scenes of inebriation would have been seen among the sub-terranean wild life. I wonder if any booze obsessed bystanders had the presence of mind to try and save any of the amber nectar. If so, to what extent might they have exposed themselves to ridicule in trying to salvage any. Would the lack of gas deterred them? Hell hath no fury like a man denied his ale. Would they have succumbed to the indignity of hanging off the outlet valve in the vain hope of getting one last precious mouthful? Would they have been frantically banging on the doors of local residents demanding to just borrow a glass for a few minutes? Counsellors will have been flown in to try and help people come to terms with this senseless event. Inquiries will be in full swing at several local pubs as answers are sought to explain how their communities will begin the long process of coming to terms with such a cruel blow. As I write, I shouldn't wonder that two lorries have already been despatched to make up for this mayhem. What a kerfuffle! The prospect of seasoned lager drinkers with the bellies to prove it having to drink bitter is too appalling for words. For those that just can't bring themselves to drink bitter they are faced with the twin horrors of either drinking lager poured from a bottle or, worse still, staying at home and drinking tea with the wife. This will then impact on her. It will take a lot more than mere biscuits to console him and woe betide him if he crunches them too loudly at the critical point just before the adverts come on. This could destroy previously happy families. All those years of watching Coronation Street in peace will be shattered by the intrusion of a husband who, by rights, ought to be in the pub. So far the full details haven't been released, but the best we can hope for is that the whole load was a rogue batch of alcohol free destined for abroad. That at least would soften the blow. I tell you what though, the driver might as well change his name by deed poll now and emigrate while it is still safe to do so. He's going to need round the clock (24/7) protection from the unvented anger of all those big bellied lager drinkers whose lives he has so selfishly ruined. I can only hope it was an agency driver whose identity isn't common knowledge...