Writers of good quality farce the world over could have drawn inspiration this morning from the interview which took place between Evan Davis and Chris Bryant. It will serve for a long time to come as a warning to people wanting to leak little snippets of what they plan to say later on the same day.
Frankly, there is always something preposterous about anyone agreeing to go on radio or TV to discuss the content of a speech they will be making later on the same day. Perhaps my tendency to simplicity has got the better of me but I would have thought it wiser to just say what you have to say in your speech.
What transpired this morning was priceless. The shadow minister had yesterday allowed pieces of his speech out for general consumption. By the time the press had put it through the mangle, Bryant was all but a racist. In fact, he can blame nobody but himself. You can't very well say on one day that you plan to make a speech in which you seek to chastise two of the biggest retailers in the country (Tesco and Next) for their bias toward employing foreign workers and then quickly back track in the middle of a live interview on the radio. This though is exactly what happened. I wanted somebody to cut the broadcast so that Bryant could be put out of his misery. A mere animal would not have been allowed to suffer in such a way.
If there is a learning point from today, it probably runs along similar lines to the decision made by a captain when winning the toss before a cricket match. If you win the toss, elect to bat. If the wicket looks like it might favour the bowlers, elect to bat. If everyone is screaming at you to bowl, elect to bat. Put simply it takes someone very brave or a fool to choose to bowl first and as we all know there exists a fine line between bravery and folly. So too must it be for those seeking to create an impact with a speech. If asked for details of the speech, tell the person to come to the speech and listen. If asked for an interview regarding the content of the speech on the Today programme, explain to the well meaning interviewer that you first intend to deliver your speech and will be happy to answer any questions afterwards.
I make no apologies here for taking the opportunity to repeat the wise words of Mark Twain which I have used many times before. It is sometimes better to stand there and look stupid rather than open your mouth and remove all doubt..
As a final point to Mr. Bryant, he seems to be missing the most important point. An employer be they Tesco, Next or anybody else will invariably give the job advertised to the person who is best qualified and who most wants to do it. If they happen to be foreign workers, that is entirely a matter for the employer because they have to get the best that is out there for their money. The real question appears to be, Why won't British young people apply for some of these jobs? The answers to such a question might not provide the sort of material which tends to earn votes. Probably safer to punt this one in to the long grass Mr. Bryant!
On a more cheerful note, I was able to cast a glance stateside for the latest story of lunacy. It seems a judge has ordered the renaming of a baby. The parents had originally registered his name as Messiah but the judge reminded them that there had only ever been one true Messiah. Where exactly was this judge when the Beckhams decided to name their progeny? On a serious note, although a Christian myself, this story kept taking me back to the Life of Brian. When the crowds gathered outside the house of the one they thought to be the Messiah and called for him, his mother appeared at the window with the timeless reply, "He's not a Messiah, he's Brian and he's a very naughty boy". Only in America...Would he have approved of David Bowie calling his child Zowie or any of the other examples of Rock idiosyncracy? Seemingly Messiah is now becoming rather a popular name among new parents in the States. Why not? The only potential drawback is that you are faced with rather a lot to live up to.....
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